La Guerra Pedo
With one infamous act, without provocation or warning, Frankie’s RMP partner Jimmy had instituted the return of a 13th Pct. Radio Car War known as La Guerra Pedo. Here’s the fact pattern that led to this momentous and odious declaration:
Both Frankie and Jimmy aka Lowlife knew Carlos the Skell.
Short version: Carlos was a poet skell who lived in Madison Square Park and loved the bodily function of passing intestinal gas (flatus) via his anus. He wrote poetry about it constantly and proudly recited it to anyone and everyone who would or would not listen to it. Carlos did this daily and twice on weekends.
When Carlos was involuntarily committed for treatment by his family, Lowlife handled the assignment. Immediately after the incident, Jimmy laid the groundwork (well, actually he laid a forced and unnecessarily emission of especially repulsive gas from his anus) for new hostilities. It was an unexpected and uncalled for act of aggression against Frankie in the enclosed and heated RMP.
Subsequent investigation revealed intent was present. It was discovered Jimmy had stuffed cabbage, red cabbage, corn, cucumber and bean salad with onions topped off with rice pudding and sauce at a late dinner the night before. He also admitted to purposely avoiding a bowel movement, though necessary, before work.
Officially, this act which re-instituted La Guerra Pedo occurred in RMP 1715 of the NYPD’s 13th Pct at approximately 1000 hours 10 December 1984. Jimmy actively opened up a new front and a challenge to his partner Frankie. Immediately after the attack, Frankie shook his head, eyed Jimmy and said with a pitiful, yet thoughtfully philosophical resignation: “You dumb fuck, will you ever learn? This means war!”
After all, Jimmy and Frankie are deservedly know as “Lowlife,” by both cops and perps for their, to put it mildly, unusual antics. But this, this was Civil War among the titians. Something like Godzilla vs. Rodan and the 13th Pct as Tokyo.
The Spanish language name of the war “La Guerra Pedo” was derived from another not so innocent 13th Pct. cop victim of Lowlife. The source: John Ruiz of “The Mexicans.” He foolishly attempted a challenge to Jimmy (without Jimmy’s prior consent or knowledge) with a Pearl Harbor surprise and forced intestinal gas attack while they worked RMP 1048 together one evening. That episode ended in a total windows down surrender by John. Jimmy usually is up to any challenge, emboldened by Frankie’s sinister creativity for revenge.
Thus Frankie renamed this type of gas warfare La Guerra Pedo in honor of this inefficacious and foolish aggression by one of The Mexicans. Even John eating cuchichi friotos from that Puerto Rican Roach Haven on Third Avenue couldn’t bend Jimmy’s resolve. Everyone knew: Try and gross out one of the Lowlifes? That’s suicide!
In the locker room at the start of the next tour, John told the visibly disappointed and demoralized other half of “The Mexicans,” his partner Joe Gomez, that he lost La Guerra Pedo to Jimmy. He related this information speaking Spanish in front of Frankie. Unfortunately for The Mexicans, they still don’t know Frankie speaks and understands Spanish.
Frankie spread the name La Guerra Pedo throughout the 13th pct. locker room and it traveled well beyond. This is how cop legends are made.
No challengers would step forward to dislodge the champs. Lowlife retained the honor.
More history: Many RMP antics were a time honored way to institute cops into life in an RMP. They say that’s how cops handle all horrendous the shit they see. But Frankie was doing stuff like this way before he was a cop. I guess he was meant to be a cop. Anyway, Jimmy’s father was a cop for over thirty years and passed down information on various cop traditions to his son.
Jimmy thought he could humorously gross out Frankie when they first partnered up. But Jimmy lost the contest. There has since been an uneasy peace regarding the disposal of the accumulation of odious gas in their mutual alimentary canals. Both North and South paths of egress were now in play.
The date is memorialized as “Farters Day”. Jimmy’s initial attack took place on an early morning; Sunday, Father’s Day, 20 June 1982, a day that shall live in 13th pct. cop infamy.
But back to 1984:
As so often happens, word got out. A new La Guerra Pedo was “in the air.” But now with a new twist. It was a Civil War, and it was between Frankie and Jimmy, Lowlife! Excitement and anticipation ruled the streets and the police radio.
Police Officer Danny Hofthander solemnly said: "A house divided against itself (Lowlife) cannot stand," when he heard about the upcoming civil war. “But I think Frankie is going to be able to withstand Jimmy’s farts, so I predict Frankie wins!” Most thought that a sage prediction.
Mario and Vinny who owned the Blimpie’s sandwich shop on Third Avenue were taking friendly bets on who would be the ultimate winner. Frankie and Jimmy....for the overall world Champ-pinne-ship title of La Guerra Pedo!
The rules were set:
1. It was to be conducted on a midnight tour.
2. Bowl movements were required prior to start of tour. (Cleansing of the pallet.)
3. The start of competition flatulence would commence the fourth hour into the tour.
4. Jimmy and Frankie would eat their meals separately, but concurrently.
5. No prior knowledge as to the content of the meals will be announced.
6. The contest would take place in a neutral RMP in Union Square Park.
7. Heater on Full Blast. Windows and Vents Tightly closed. Doors locked.
8. No filters or masks, no holding of breath. Nostrils unblocked and open.
9. First to open windows, doors or vents is declared the loser.
It was a cold and rainy midnight tour in the 13 pct. Squad six rotated into midnights that week of December in 1984. Jimmy and Frankie squared off in RMP 2396 under a canopy of mercury vapor lights flooding Union Square Park.
Even the skells were interested in the event. Drug dealing seemed to come to a halt as junkies, recreational drug customers and dealers alike gathered and observed quietly with respect and awe.
The loser will have to search all DOA’s and sit to await removal by the Medical Examiner of all DOA’s assigned to Lowlife for the next three months.
Who won La Guerra Pedo that eventful morning?
Let’s just say, when a ripe DOA was assigned to “Lowlife” for three month hence, Jimmy broke out his supply of smelly cigars. He made himself as comfortable as possible along with his new found silent companion who was probably emitting a few odious gasses of their own.
With one infamous act, without provocation or warning, Frankie’s RMP partner Jimmy had instituted the return of a 13th Pct. Radio Car War known as La Guerra Pedo. Here’s the fact pattern that led to this momentous and odious declaration:
Both Frankie and Jimmy aka Lowlife knew Carlos the Skell.
Short version: Carlos was a poet skell who lived in Madison Square Park and loved the bodily function of passing intestinal gas (flatus) via his anus. He wrote poetry about it constantly and proudly recited it to anyone and everyone who would or would not listen to it. Carlos did this daily and twice on weekends.
When Carlos was involuntarily committed for treatment by his family, Lowlife handled the assignment. Immediately after the incident, Jimmy laid the groundwork (well, actually he laid a forced and unnecessarily emission of especially repulsive gas from his anus) for new hostilities. It was an unexpected and uncalled for act of aggression against Frankie in the enclosed and heated RMP.
Subsequent investigation revealed intent was present. It was discovered Jimmy had stuffed cabbage, red cabbage, corn, cucumber and bean salad with onions topped off with rice pudding and sauce at a late dinner the night before. He also admitted to purposely avoiding a bowel movement, though necessary, before work.
Officially, this act which re-instituted La Guerra Pedo occurred in RMP 1715 of the NYPD’s 13th Pct at approximately 1000 hours 10 December 1984. Jimmy actively opened up a new front and a challenge to his partner Frankie. Immediately after the attack, Frankie shook his head, eyed Jimmy and said with a pitiful, yet thoughtfully philosophical resignation: “You dumb fuck, will you ever learn? This means war!”
After all, Jimmy and Frankie are deservedly know as “Lowlife,” by both cops and perps for their, to put it mildly, unusual antics. But this, this was Civil War among the titians. Something like Godzilla vs. Rodan and the 13th Pct as Tokyo.
The Spanish language name of the war “La Guerra Pedo” was derived from another not so innocent 13th Pct. cop victim of Lowlife. The source: John Ruiz of “The Mexicans.” He foolishly attempted a challenge to Jimmy (without Jimmy’s prior consent or knowledge) with a Pearl Harbor surprise and forced intestinal gas attack while they worked RMP 1048 together one evening. That episode ended in a total windows down surrender by John. Jimmy usually is up to any challenge, emboldened by Frankie’s sinister creativity for revenge.
Thus Frankie renamed this type of gas warfare La Guerra Pedo in honor of this inefficacious and foolish aggression by one of The Mexicans. Even John eating cuchichi friotos from that Puerto Rican Roach Haven on Third Avenue couldn’t bend Jimmy’s resolve. Everyone knew: Try and gross out one of the Lowlifes? That’s suicide!
In the locker room at the start of the next tour, John told the visibly disappointed and demoralized other half of “The Mexicans,” his partner Joe Gomez, that he lost La Guerra Pedo to Jimmy. He related this information speaking Spanish in front of Frankie. Unfortunately for The Mexicans, they still don’t know Frankie speaks and understands Spanish.
Frankie spread the name La Guerra Pedo throughout the 13th pct. locker room and it traveled well beyond. This is how cop legends are made.
No challengers would step forward to dislodge the champs. Lowlife retained the honor.
More history: Many RMP antics were a time honored way to institute cops into life in an RMP. They say that’s how cops handle all horrendous the shit they see. But Frankie was doing stuff like this way before he was a cop. I guess he was meant to be a cop. Anyway, Jimmy’s father was a cop for over thirty years and passed down information on various cop traditions to his son.
Jimmy thought he could humorously gross out Frankie when they first partnered up. But Jimmy lost the contest. There has since been an uneasy peace regarding the disposal of the accumulation of odious gas in their mutual alimentary canals. Both North and South paths of egress were now in play.
The date is memorialized as “Farters Day”. Jimmy’s initial attack took place on an early morning; Sunday, Father’s Day, 20 June 1982, a day that shall live in 13th pct. cop infamy.
But back to 1984:
As so often happens, word got out. A new La Guerra Pedo was “in the air.” But now with a new twist. It was a Civil War, and it was between Frankie and Jimmy, Lowlife! Excitement and anticipation ruled the streets and the police radio.
Police Officer Danny Hofthander solemnly said: "A house divided against itself (Lowlife) cannot stand," when he heard about the upcoming civil war. “But I think Frankie is going to be able to withstand Jimmy’s farts, so I predict Frankie wins!” Most thought that a sage prediction.
Mario and Vinny who owned the Blimpie’s sandwich shop on Third Avenue were taking friendly bets on who would be the ultimate winner. Frankie and Jimmy....for the overall world Champ-pinne-ship title of La Guerra Pedo!
The rules were set:
1. It was to be conducted on a midnight tour.
2. Bowl movements were required prior to start of tour. (Cleansing of the pallet.)
3. The start of competition flatulence would commence the fourth hour into the tour.
4. Jimmy and Frankie would eat their meals separately, but concurrently.
5. No prior knowledge as to the content of the meals will be announced.
6. The contest would take place in a neutral RMP in Union Square Park.
7. Heater on Full Blast. Windows and Vents Tightly closed. Doors locked.
8. No filters or masks, no holding of breath. Nostrils unblocked and open.
9. First to open windows, doors or vents is declared the loser.
It was a cold and rainy midnight tour in the 13 pct. Squad six rotated into midnights that week of December in 1984. Jimmy and Frankie squared off in RMP 2396 under a canopy of mercury vapor lights flooding Union Square Park.
Even the skells were interested in the event. Drug dealing seemed to come to a halt as junkies, recreational drug customers and dealers alike gathered and observed quietly with respect and awe.
The loser will have to search all DOA’s and sit to await removal by the Medical Examiner of all DOA’s assigned to Lowlife for the next three months.
Who won La Guerra Pedo that eventful morning?
Let’s just say, when a ripe DOA was assigned to “Lowlife” for three month hence, Jimmy broke out his supply of smelly cigars. He made himself as comfortable as possible along with his new found silent companion who was probably emitting a few odious gasses of their own.